Painting without painting. Learning to be the real you. Giving yourself permission to be intense.

I love abstract painting because of the permission to be as intense as necessary. It’s a big ‘yes’ to all the stored-up internal drama. There is no such thing as ‘too much’ (for paint) and that is a huge relief. 

When you’re sensitive, and empathic and struggle with boundaries, (taking on other people's emotions),  you soon end up with a lot of psychic junk. Your system needs a blow out- a chance to clear out and reset. 

Without an appropriate container this ‘overload’ can be acted out in our life. This usually means; arguments, unconsciously enacting situations that ‘cause’ more extreme emotions to be felt. Or, engaging with addictive behaviours such as excessive drinking that aids numbing out… I used to be very familiar with a whole spectrum of negative ways to ‘act out’ and then…. I discovered painting. Everything changed.

Plug into paint. 

If you’re an INFJ or an INFP (Myers Briggs), the more intense personality types, then I recommend getting into painting as soon as possible, even if you have no real interest in developing yourself as a visual artist. Just see how abstract painting can shift things in your inner realms, it’s just about starting. 

All those conversations that you have in your head, (that are too surreal to even journal about)- let it all play out when you paint. You’re painting and simultaneously having a zillion and one conversations… and feeling totally peaceful while it's all happening. It’s a very specific and mind expanding kind of experience.

There is something about painting that turns the tables; I always felt like I was running away from myself. Rejecting myself for being difficult, and trying to make myself more acceptable to others, mainly by attempting (and failing) to keep a lid on my feelings.

When I paint I get to wrestle with complexity for fun and it really is fun. Instead of suppressing or denying my intensity I actively encourage it.  For one painting titled ‘Through This Chaos’, I gave myself full permission to ‘over do it’, and for the best part of a year, I battled it out on the canvas until something kind of melted away, and I just didn't need to do it anymore. The tumultuous ocean was no longer churning, ‘it’ whatever that was, was complete. There was a pause. Many years of internally imploding, found some kind of resolution in that painting. It felt like a miracle. 

For me painting is an experience and a process like no other. An interplay between story and abstraction- this is where ‘meaning’ resides and it's something that can't be articulated, but it is something that you feel; It’s a peaceful frequency that resets the nervous system. 

Whenever you have the fear that you could unleash your intensity on someone else, I recommend to plug into paint instead. The greatest gift is permission and the permission we grant for ourselves is our greatest gift to others.